last night i got very emotional with a girl i had feelings for a couple of months ago. we drank quite a bit of gin and i started telling her how scared i was of her, as well as how i feel stupid for feeling the way i do, and that i am learning to forget it.
and then i passed out and woke up and she made me a wonderful vegan breakfast.
im trying to figure out how to be human these days, im trying to understand why i feel things, and im trying to figure out my dreams.
i had a dream the other night that i watched giant dead sheep burning and rolling down the road like tumbleweeds and all i could do was laugh.
last night i dreamed that a girl called me up and said that she missed me, and i told her i didn't know who she was, and so i hung up on her after she told me that she would see me on Thursday and i told her that i still don't know her. so i walked down the street to go to a peyote church meeting and tried to listen to the guy talk, but this drunkard kept talking over him in Spanish, and i couldn't pay attention.
im still in utah, but im trying not to be. im looking for a job, so i can save money and move away, this time indefinably. so when that happens, (3 monthsish i figure)
ill be looking for a place to live in portland.
i miss all of you kids up there.
i have the picture you drew for me on my bedroom wall, and it makes me feel a little bit more at home when i see it.
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