Brother?

Brother,

This world in which we live is slipping through our fingers.

The men want their wars

The women want their make up

And The Children want their video games

There was a time where we all used to look at each other in the eyes.

Brother,

I have walked these streets in search for god.

I have found forged scriptures on the bookshelves of saints;

And his words inside of garbage cans

Under expired milk cartons

I have heard what the prophets said.

It seems to me when they start shouting they never shut up.

Brother,

All of my girlfriends

Have been raped by their boyfriends

And no one will get off of their cell phones,

To listen to them.

I heard my sisters crying for mercy,

tied to the back seat

Of the family friends car

As well as my brothers screaming at their Sunday school leaders;

Telling them to take their hands away from there.

Brother,

We are all so scared,

And we are too high on drugs to change anything

We walk to streets shit drunk and hope for the best

When will we learn to Sober up

And fight this?

Brother,

Nobody really wants to die

There are people with guns and knives and nuclear devices

And we are hiding in our houses with the curtains drawn

Brother, we are scared for what is to come

We want the world to be beautiful again

I saw it on the faces of my friends

Brother,

When will we be whole again?

Apocolypse

The end of the world is upon us, Scientists have built a machine that is to recreate the big bang...
this may cause worm holes in the space time fabric of our universe..
maybe its time for me to find god.....

...

I miss my Zombie Dreams
as well as my afterlife dreams...i want them to come back

sex dream with a twist

i had the coolest sex dream of all time the other night.

here i was in the playboy mansion of sorts geared towards that of the suicide girl archetype, with naked tattooed girls were beautifully strolling around the place with pleasant smiles and drinking wine.

one of the girls caught my eye, and in reaction i caught hers, and we exchanged greetings and proceeded outside to a wide array of men and women fucking in the grass. she put down her drink and i followed suite and she kissed my neck and lips and chest. i was getting quite excited and as she was rubbing my nipples with her tongue i looked at one of the couples laying in the grass close to us.

i noticed something was strange about this couple, as the boy was laying pretty still for a short time and the woman was fiddling around her leggings for something. the girl fumbled around her legs to finally retrieve a large buck knife. i watched as she started to saw off the boy on the grasses legs. i could hear the boy scream but no help seemed to come from anywhere. i watched as the girl took one of the sawed off legs and took a rather large chunk out of it with her teeth and smiled with a masticating mouth.

i was getting pretty worried at this point and i pulled my lover up towards my face to question her about it, and in reply i received just "Don't worry about it, and just kiss me." so with hesitation i did just that, she started to bite my lips (which normally i am very fond of) and one of these bites seemed to be quite more than i expected and sent sharp pains through my face. i gasped in pain and she went back to her business in kissing my neck. i reached up and felt my lips to discover that half my lip was hanging off.

this freaked me the fuck out, and i quickly started running as fast as i could out of the place.


Dreams are very strange, even sex dreams arent what i expect sometimes.

this one seemed to come straight out of some strange Grindhouse movie.

maybe one day i will make it into one.

I rent the ocean (part four-the itch)

I drank from the ocean water for thirst

I ate from the plants surrounding us all

Each taste was even sweeter than the first

There was no famine for life to withdrawal

I felt the whole of emotional bliss

The warming embrace of important men

And the gentle touch of a woman’s kiss

Leaving me, the holy child of Zen

But still I felt, a strange aching inside

Something I couldn’t begin to ignore

I couldn’t have started to try to hide

That living had something to offer more.

That something was whispering in my ear

This was not the time that I should be here

Letter to Chani

heartbreak is hardcore, i just got an email a few days ago, and in it, I unsurfaced a flood of suppressed emotion.
just now i found the courage to email her back...
sometimes, the heart experiences a feeling close to stagnate water, and when a flood comes, everything just seems to wash away with it.
i dont know how to react to life, but a friend told me once, that i shouldnt be ashamed for how i feel.
I still struggle with that, but her telling me brought me a little bit more freedom to finally wash down stream with the river, instead of remaining stagnant.
i dont know if any of this makes sense, but its nice to write it down...

Letter to Chani
First off, i want to make clear
that i don't in anyway hate you.
I couldn't, you were to awesome
to me to give off any sort of feeling
such as that.
Second, i understand exactly why you
didn't call me, answer my emails, speak to me, et cetera.
I figured sooner or later, that it had to happen,
i just wanted you to tell me.
when you stopped talking to me, i felt
that i did something wrong. you seemed pretty
demanding (quite understandably) to get your necklace back,
and when you wouldnt answer a single email, i thought you
were pissed off at me.
i racked my brains for something i might have done wrong
and the only answer i thought was that (not to mention
i took you on some pretty lousy dates)

I really liked you...a lot.
I understood that you had to leave, I am in a constant
state of leaving myself, and i understood the need to get out of here.
it took me a while to deal with the excitement that you showed towards me and the silence that followed.
i ended up doing a lot of writing, i jumped on a freight train....i left for a week to clear my head.
it took me a while to deal with that....
even then, when you emailed me i didnt know what to do.
a flood of suppressed emotions just fell from my pours and left me in wonder.
thus the reason it has taken me this long to write back...

i miss hearing from you. I wanted so many times to write you and ask you how California was treating you, but i figured you didn't want to talk.

as for the book, i didn't really expect you to read it.
but im glad you appreciated it. i was thinking about it a few days before and remembered a part about how the main character, Charlie, had a wonderful feeling. the feeling he said was one that "made him feel infinite" and thats the way i would describe our adventures together, lame as it sounds.

and last of all, you dont need to apologize for what you did, though i appreciate it.
no one should ever feel bad for the way that they feel.
emotion is something that should be free, you shouldn't restrain yourself even if it ends up hurting in the end...

My address is 12 east 1400 north, american fork, utah 84003
and my number, should you decide to call me, is 801-756-5973.

i still think of you, we had some wonderful times together.