Couldnt take off her shirt, cesarian scars and stretch marks

Mommas got her baby
and baby makes you smile
worth the weight in rape
it took to bare the child
sexy sexy momma
you are still young and wild
gonna dye your hair
to find a man to match its style
Momma made you horney
but you couldnt get it up
its a sad strange world
when the liquor
thinks quicker
than the heart

On Tour Now

Either wait for my return or come and find me

Either way i am on the road once again
this time to Draw and Story tell my dreams.
On tour to whoever picks me up on the side of the freeway

Finger Vomit

3 dreams of nonsense intermixed with some sort of significance

Reverend taught me how to pull shots of coffee and told me all about your Jesus.

I carried a teddy bear through the apocalypse just to tell you that things will be okay.

I Swam through the rivers of hell to merge with the oceans of heaven.

The angles tell me I am committing Resticide.

I don’t even know what that means.

My subconscious has a fucked up sense of humor….

Waking life isn’t much different either.

The fates have some crazy magic tricks up their sleeves.

Forthcoming Dadaist innovation proclamation: stay apathetic

Stay asleep

I hate collections

debt collectors always make me sound like I am the asshole.

god damn it.

lady tells me that this shit is court ordered, that a sheriff can come over to my house and look through all my stuff and sell what he wants.

"If i were you i wouldn't want people to sell all my stuff.

i told her to look see, i don't really have much stuff, and the stuff i do have isn't really sellable. they can try if they want.

"You really don't seem worried about this whole thing do you?" she says.

"I'm really not, " i say tiredly (she woke me up from a wonderful nap...)
"well if it were me i would be worried.
are you working so you can pay it off?"
"no, i have just quit my job." i tell her.

"are you looking for another one?"
"Yeah i guess so," i didnt want to get into my personal theology of hitchhiking and such to some lady on the phone, even if she was prying into my life.

this lady was P I S S E D
she had nothing more to say, so she told me good luck with much spite and told me goodbye.

i tried to kindly return the farewell but i was the only one who heard it through the receiver due to the fact that she had rapidly hung up.


I don't get these people, when i have a job i care about it, but i don't let it become my life. after all, its just a job. but i think some people make their job their lives....
thats scary that this lady really "cares" about getting someone else's money back. especially when the place that i owed money to brainwashed me and ripped me off in their own fucking televangelist ways.
Besides what the fuck do they think they will get out of reposessing my stuff?
what are they going to take? My record player? its worth maybe 30 bucks.
my books will only get them another 20$
my clothing maybe another 20$
the bike isn't technically mine, so they cant take that.
the only valuable things i have are my notebooks.
and thats only valuable to me....so they take my 50$ worth of shit for a debt they want me to pay of 1600$
Oh, i see...i really am the asshole.

I didn't bother to call you to tell you the last thing i wrote about you

Now your a vegan

I find it amazing when people are still just as beautiful in real life, as they are in my memory. I can see her face through the glass of the coffee shop I work at, and she walks through the doors. I am in total shock and she puts her money down on the counter without looking up, counting the various one dollar bills that she pulled from her pocket.

Half Navaho girl looks up at me with her green eyes and looks like she just went into shock. "Oh…Hey, it's you."

"Yeah, it is. It has been a while." I say.

"Sure has…"

We make small talk and start asking how the other has been sense the 3 months we haven't talked. She still works at the health food store, and I told her about my living in Portland. I got the feeling that she was feeling a bit more relaxed than the nervous first glance, so I pull out a slip of paper from the credit card machine and start writing down a series of numbers.

"This is my phone number at my parents house. You should really call me sometime," I say and hand the slip of paper to her.

"Alright, I should give you my number too." She starts looking around for a pen.

"I already have your number," I told her, and she looked right up at me. "I thought I would save it from last time in case I needed it for some reason."

"You never called me back," I saw her sorrow dangling in the air like an apathetic tear drop about to fall. "I guess I don't blame you."

"Yeah…" was all I could say. I wanted to say sorry but I know I wouldn't mean it, and she wouldn't accept it.

"Really though, lets get together." I said.

"Alright, I come down to Utah County at least once a week for my job, and I am going to move to Orem soon."

I gave her the vegan coffee drink I improvised for her and told her it was on the house. She tried to tip, and I tried to refuse, and she placed the money in the jar anyway.

As I watched her walk out of the coffee shop I couldn't help but remember the last thing we told each other three months ago.

"I'm getting really fucking angry grant."

"Fine," I told her. "I'll just walk from here."

A block away I wrote exactly how I felt on a near by electric meter.

'I always pick FUCKING losers'

I heard somewhere it was good advice to not believe eveything that you read. The same might be true about the things you write or say...
In anycase, i hope i was wrong about that one.

I bit your jaw and liked it

You somehow managed to come down to the coffee shop today. You walked into my store and the bell rang so I walked over to the counter and saw your face hidden behind a large pair of sun glasses. So I walked away into the back and brought you over your necklace that meant so much to you, as well as a birthday present of a book im not sure if you will ever read. You told me that you were leaving to California today to look at a house your mother and her husband were looking to buy. That jump in my heart when I saw you from the back of the room plummeted at that moment and I tried to keep a straight face. I’m not sure if it worked, but you kept talking like it did. I was talking to you over the bar and you asked me if I was ever going to come over to give you a hug. In my confusion I walked around to the other side to the lobby and met you near the entrance. You put down the book and gold chain necklaces that sported a wooden anchor as well as the wrapped up and drawn on book I gave to allow your arms to reach the circumference of my body. I leaned in for a kiss but I guess you just wanted the hug because you dug your head right into the soft spot of my neck. We hugged maybe three times and on the last one I did manage to bite your jaw line (which I happen to know you like) and give you a kiss on your cheek. You seemed to look pleased and my heart melted a little bit. Then you left, and my hopes tried to find a safe place in my heart to crawl into.

I’m not exactly sure why I insist on recreating these moments in written word, but it seems important some how. Maybe it’s because these moments are very beautiful and I’m constantly looking for the beautiful moments in my life. Those are the ones that always seem to fade first when I’m crying in the crevasse of my bed with no one to hold on to, or a shoulder to rest my head on. Maybe its for an entirely different reason all together.

Maybe its because that was the last time i would be able to say goodbye to you

Falling in love is wonderful untill you hit the ground

I have decided that I don’t know you well enough to say that I like you as much as I thought I do. So I guess that I’m going to have to throw sticks into rivers by myself. I jump into things way to quick just like you fell into that river the first time that we got drunk together.

Maybe I’m feeling a bit too emotional, but I really don’t get why you haven’t returned my emails, or call me back when you say you will. I guess a granola man in a purple shirt spends most of his time learning how to love in his dreams but can never translate that emotion to the real life. I am just so scared of taking things too quick, but at the same time I’m scared of never going anywhere.

All I want is a person that will take me to the river and stare at the fish. I don’t want to sit at home anymore and wait for your phone call, and look out the window waiting for your car to arrive. When the night comes and turns the sky to orange and I find myself wrapped up in my blankets alone I start to get a little bit sad.

There is just too much going on in my life these days like angel visions and post hitchhiking syndrome of wishing I was lost in the middle of nowhere. At least in those moments I feel beautiful and I wouldn’t be able to explain it to anyone so I don’t feel so bad all alone.

I did manage to steal you a book from downtown. I shoved it down the back side of my pants and walked out the door without being inhibited. That was yesterday, and I managed to finish reading it this afternoon. The whole time I was waiting for a phone call or something.

I think my problem is that I get let down to easy, and that I am extremely sensitive. I could force myself to ride my bike and let the summer air purge my head of this heartache, but Im scared that I would miss your call.

I feel that I am a hopeless cause with the way that I am. If you could call me and work it out with me that would make me feel better. At least tell me if you still like me. If you do then tell me a time I could come over. If you don’t then tell me what we are….

If your scared then I will tell you that I feel the same, and that will be that.