Alice in Real Life

I’ve been lost for as long as I remember.
I’ve been in wonderland sense birth
I always imagined something bigger
and better
I’ve always lived in a life that
i thought I deserved.
I’ve never been able to stay off the chess board
Though I don’t really know how to play the game
im not quite sure if im the black king or red.
and I wonder which one is really at the reigns.
for everything is double at the mirror
And I wonder if im just the reflection
my world has never looked clear
but that just might be my perception.

Kerouac made it look so easy

Mom dropped me off at the bus stop.
Rode all the way to provo
Walked down to the train yard, only to be greeted by cops
Pigs cant say shit to a man “taking a walk with a clean nose”
Found a place to meditate, and decided to give it another try
Watched the train go by and decided to move to the other side
of the tracks.
I think they saw me the first time cause they got out of the train.
and walked right where I was.
Had a conversation with a couple of horses.
I talked it out and they listened intently.
Decided i would go to Idaho and shortly after Portland.
Walked to the pay phone and called someone to pick me up
Snow drifting down.
At least it wasn’t cold.

Two part poem: Beer and Cigarettes

I laughed and bit my cheek.

Blood began to pool underneath my tongue.

I spit it out, and took another drink.

Inhale another drag of smoke

and stung the sore.

Beer

Blood

And tobacco

was all I could do to keep from laughing more.

Passed out on the couch,

Red drool running down my mouth.

I couldn’t pinpoint the pigment

from the wine or scabbing cells.

Coagulation
-----------
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Smoked most of a pack out of sheer boredom.

Been reading for 7 hours alone

because the sleep wont come.

I can never fill the pit in my stomach.

I can’t drink myself out of being human.

Took a shower to hear the water run.

Listened to Dylan to drown my thoughts

Feet still cold under the blankets,

and I could swear I heard the screen door

open at least a thousand times.

My throat is raw, yet I cough another cloud down.

Bottles everywhere, but not a drop to be found.

Pavlov's Promise

Abrasive in nature
but with a learned apathy.
Monuments erected and
Carelessly shoved aside
to the corner
of her room.
-Blood Stained panties;
for times of the month
where both your body and your
father made you bleed.
-Smoked Cigarettes;
the ones you inhaled
after each tragedy
and suppressed memory.
-The unfinished crossed
out drawings
Loosely bunched together
and bound with twine.
(Your darker moments you
try to hide.)
-the lipstick container
with all its empty glory.
Where its only remnants
trace around the base
of a swollen
penis
one more swallow
and the pain is free
one more swallow
and the bottle is empty

Obsession

Sleeping in medows, amongst the...

I want to frequent where she frequents

I want to visit where she has

And creep like fingers on a keyboard

I have an obsession

We go together like barb wire and blood

Lets make this a pact

To write what we feel and shake out the

Metaphorical bullshit

I want to hold your wrists and tip that bottle

For you

I want to experience the freedoms of masochistic

Poetry

Lets sleep in dumpsters and eat in waste bins

Lets star gaze in cities and profane our upbringings

Lets tell secrets and show privates

Shed awkward skins and crawl on our bellies

We can be balanced and level

the chaotic constilations can be our companions.

I want to stop being antisocial and scared so i can have real friends

Obsession

Without tangibility

A green skirt with orange tights

Masturbating in public

I don't know anybody

To lay down with a dream

But perfection is a mirror

When the mirror is clean