It’s a hard time to live
When money is what rules the world
And the only ones who care are the ones who are broke.
I am constantly confronted by the beasts of the woods
They bare not just teeth
But my sinful secrets.
How will I ever make it through hell?
I haven’t a poet to guide me,
Nor human reason to rely on.
How do you make it past the She-wolf
When she could tear you apart at any moment?
Mama wolf is angry
I have been a bad cub
Rejected from the pack
Black cub
In the death trap.
Back space
Erased and then written over
It is the space I have been in for the last few weeks
I have filled in a point in my life with a white
Blank space.
The future is something awful
And the past is just as tragic
If I close my eyes i can be comfortable in the static.
I am constantly loosing faith in humanity.
When a blind girl waits at a bus stop with burn scared hands
And a medical bracelet with the name Martha
And three people walk by
She calls them and asks for help
two walk over
one sits on the curb making faces.
she makes a few phone calls and waits for the bus.
One who walked over does a dance to test her blind.
No one trusts anyone else anymore.
Im surprised she even took the gamble to ask.
Knowing the way people go these days,
I wouldn’t have.
I remember being young, and going out to play in between the trees in the park next to my house. And I would talk to each of them, and I knew them, and they knew me. Each tree had its own personality, as well as a soul.
My sisters and my friends and I would go and play in this park that we lovingly dubed “The Court” due to it being in the middle of our houses on Baylis Crt.
We would play lots of games, but one of our favorites was playing “T.V Tag”
This was a game where one person would be “It” and the rest of us would run around and try not to get touched by “It”. If they got close, you could fall down to the ground and say the name of a television show. My older sister and I were sneaky, and liked to trick my younger sister, and always tell her made up television shows. My younger sister had this stuffed bear that she carried around with her everywhere named Bear Bear. And the best way to trick her in T.V. tag was the made up television show “Bear Bear world”. And my older sister and I would always fall to the ground and shout out “Bear Bear World” and my sister would accept it, without fail, and walk away to chase some one else, and we would laugh at her misfortune.
One day I was “It” and I was chasing my next door neighbor Michael through the trees, and as he was about to sit down to call out the name of a Television show, I tried to tag him, but instead shoved him into a near by tree. The blood started to pool out of his nose. I felt so bad…this was the first time I can remember hurting someone to this severity. I thought he would never be my friend again, I thought he would never forgive me, I thought that I had done something so horrible….
I still feel that way when I hurt people…
I cant be in my own body
I try to escape myself
But my bones are prison bars
And my eyes are broken windows.
I want to be free of my mortality.
I want to cease to exist.
And remain
A dream.
Depression is just a word until you have felt it.
A smile is just a twitch if you don’t know what it means.
Bring me back to a more simple existence,
Or
Make
Me
God.
---
Nature times two,
Mother and Human,
We exist beyond this dimension
In the color schemes of the old era.
We were forged long before eternity began.
Our former masters are now our gods.
As the temple makers,
We would wail as our backs are slashed.
As the new world emerges
We are on bended knees praying for mercy
A diseased growth of flesh on my throbbing temples
And sweat begins to bead on my forehead,
As the plague of god begins to possess me.
BOW!
TO THE GODS!!!
Let their wrath break your spirit.
Let their hells and purgatories
Become your every day parades.
Will you let yourself be smitten by
The hand of Bal?
Which circle of Dante’s hell
Do you belong to?
Falsify your gods!!!
Break your gods!!!
Become your gods!
~~
I am caught in my solipsism
And I cant function behind this belief
That this is all we have.
Even if that is the only truth.
I am starting to look at the world
On a molecular level.
Making my existence
Meaningless.
Who
Are
We
Now
Then?
Picture yourself in a room
There is a TV in front of you
The lights are dim
And you are sprawled out on a couch
Wishing for an abstract perception
On the city you live in.
Where is your mind?
In a place with distractive images flashing
Before your eyes.
You go out at night,
You drink yourself to sleep
Like a bedtime story.
Where is your heart?
You close it off in a box
Along with the other creatures
That Pandora is waiting to open
Into the world.
Could it be
That my heart is a sin?
Could it be
That my love is a plague?
i have lost my will to love
I have replaced it with my depression.
These days I don’t know if people really cry anymore
Or if its just a myth people can make fun of.
Sometimes I just want to sit down and let it all out.
Just let all of that pain that is built up inside
Fall in drops of water from my salt stained eyes.
I tried to find those people that cry these days.
But most people will just sing instead.
I want someone who is so sad that they cant contain themselves
They have to just break down in front of the
Tabloid magazines.
I want to be there in the cereal isle
Making rivers
Culture can never be the same.
