murderer

So here I am, I’m dreaming.
I am an aid to an older man.
I don’t hate this man; in fact I rather like him.
But for some reason he needs to die
I have to do it myself
it seems to be the only way to help him
Late at night, I creep into his room with a gun
I put I silencer on the barrel, and shoot him in the head.
I pull out my knife from the inside pocket of my formal suit.
And I chop his body up into little pieces and place his internal organs in my pockets.
I go on to shoot several other people in the same fashion, same motives; every time changing my suite to hide the smell of grotesque viscera . I cut up their bodies and place their organs in the pockets of my other suits.
after all this is done i meet up with my older sister Erin.
My sister is cold, she wants to borrow a jacket.
I get scared, and I tell her no.
She insists and grabs the first one she sees.
I watch with dread as she slides her hands in her pockets, but there is no negative reaction. She picked a coat without hacked up body in it.
She wants me to go to church with her. I don’t want to, so I stay outside and smoke a cigarette as she is inside.
She says she is disappointed in me for not going to church. I tell her that if she really knew me, church would be the last thing she would worry about.

fuck cancer

I start to feel the drunk take over my body
Like a machine
Im starting to feel mechanical
I remember what I used to say about drinking
“I like it because it makes me feel human”
Which is something that I have been trying out.
i can watch my dad in the same room as he is watching an R rated film in his underwear.
He doesn’t care that I know
Because he knows I wont tell
It’s the only bonding moments we have
And I cant tell anyone about them
Or talk to him about them
Because they are secret
And awkward.
He says that he is a man of god
But I think that ‘he thinks’ he is gods “secret agent”
Making sure that the filth is good for me
Because he is the only one in my family
That knows that filth comes from god too.
He doesn’t know that I have been drinking
He doesn’t know that I ate magic mushrooms.
In my alone time, I don’t pretend that my life is pretty
But when im elsewhere, its all that I have.

most angels have wings, you have a septum ring

That’s me, through the window screen
And im still uncompensated
And im still obliviatted to the meaning of it all
Her you are, so beautiful
And so awkward
That I cant focus on the immediate consequence
Of asking for your commitment

Do you really think that we could be together?
I think so, but I also thought the world was round
And I also thought that maybe aliens visited earth
And I also thought that math might be in explainable to most
And I also thought that life was a series of questions,
And I also thought that we were revolving around the sun
And I also thought that we were sentencing ourselves to death
And I also thought that we were correcting life to the fullest

But I was mistaken, we are progressive
And you were that girl who always drank more than she could handle
And you were that girl who threw up after too much
And I was that boy who threw up after an un explainable phenomenon
And I was that boy who threw up after not knowing what would happen
And you were that girl who saw through me and recognized potential
And I was that boy who left
And I was that boy who wanted to be alone
And I was that boy who saw you as beautiful
And I was that boy who wanted you to be special….