fuck cancer

I start to feel the drunk take over my body
Like a machine
Im starting to feel mechanical
I remember what I used to say about drinking
“I like it because it makes me feel human”
Which is something that I have been trying out.
i can watch my dad in the same room as he is watching an R rated film in his underwear.
He doesn’t care that I know
Because he knows I wont tell
It’s the only bonding moments we have
And I cant tell anyone about them
Or talk to him about them
Because they are secret
And awkward.
He says that he is a man of god
But I think that ‘he thinks’ he is gods “secret agent”
Making sure that the filth is good for me
Because he is the only one in my family
That knows that filth comes from god too.
He doesn’t know that I have been drinking
He doesn’t know that I ate magic mushrooms.
In my alone time, I don’t pretend that my life is pretty
But when im elsewhere, its all that I have.